Postcard Poems: Reminder

A soft security blanket found
smashed between the mattress and the wall
smells like a day's sweat, like fresh deodorant,
like the strumming pangs of missing you.
White fabric and a faded design
linger in the cold aftermath of departure,
a memento of the nights prior.
This is the fuse that lights fireworks.
This is the inspiration that moves mountains.
This is the start of change.
This is love.

January 15, 2012

I have a confession:
I want you to break my heart
and prove to me this thing called love.
Because I feel it.
Burning.
Somewhere deep in my chest
waiting for release.
This Pandora's box contains a sun
that I want to shine
that I want to incinerate this tragic body.
Once I've been overwhelmed
with the fury of a newborn star,
I'll be left holding the shards
of the fragile container
lucky enough to have housed
such brilliance.
I want you to break my heart
and set free the sweetness
I've been holding back
like candy from a piñata.
The act of release is violent
but it makes it rain
so others may find joy.

Pasta Sauce

I am pregnant,
waiting to give birth
to the Love holding me and tethering me
to a future unforseen.
I feed it from an umbilical
fastened of heartstrings.
Greater and lesser loves exuded
as radiance
in the simple act of a smile.
I am pregnant,
waiting to give birth,
the Seed that was implanted in me
fertilized with warm thoughts

The Postcard Poems: Untitled 7/15/2012

It's 11:25pm and I'm walking across campus.
It's silent out.
I remember that day we watched the sunset,
that day I wanted to cry
because the weight of a temporary goodbye
was crushing me.
Excuse my innocence in the
tired cliche of new love
as I partake in reminiscence
of the day our fingers laced
and it felt like the only thing
I could hold on to.
I look out at the bay now,
the overcast clouds reflecting the stars 
grounded between me and the horizon,
their incandescence doubled 
by the waters below.
Once we watched Astraeus work 
on this, the hill where
I wrapped my arms around you
and kissed you 
to tell you
you make me feel a king of the world.
That day, as now,
I'm filled to overflowing.

The Postcard Poems: Untitled 7/11/2012

I miss
the smell and heat of you next to me
the slight sweetness of Old Spice
as I warm my face against you,
and that spicy and subtle
aroma so
quintessentially Ethan
that I can smell at the back of your neck
when we're spooning
and I squeeze you in close
before we fall asleep
My life is challenged and enriched
for having met you. Thank you.

The Postcard Poems: Say It

Say It

This one goes out to the lovers and the unrequited.
When did "I love you" become such a hard thing to say?
We used to say it all the time.
I love my mom. I love my dog. I love my brother. I love you.
It was an innocent love,
a free love,
a love unburdened by this fear of an exposed heart.
It was a love that embraced our vulnerability
rather than hide it.
I understand the hesitancy, the risk of devaluation in putting it out there too often,
but how can you place value on something so infinite as love?
I have more love in my heart than I know what to do with.
My love is a gift as free as rain and I offer it to you.
My love is unafraid of politics and society and I offer it to you.
My love is beautiful as darkest nights and brightest days and I offer it to you.
It cannot be silenced.
It cannot remain unspoken.
So this one goes out to the lovers and the unrequited,
I love you.

Funny story about this poem. I wrote it for my boyfriend Ethan on May 18, 2012. I remember the date because I wrote it on a napkin during dinner with my friend Morgan. I wrote it so I could perform it at the VOX Rox Benefit show at the Underground Coffeehouse on campus. I was filled with anxiety because at this point Ethan and I had only been seeing each other about a month and I realized I was falling in love with him and didn't know if I could say it. This poem was my compromise. That night I was drinking with him and some friends in his dorm room and afterward, he said it first: "I love you so much." Serendipitous, no?