Phone Tag Redux

I want to be someone you want to talk to,

someone you sit staring

with the chat window open for an hour,

wishing I would initiate conversation

so you didn’t have to,

typing three different messages on the theme:

“I want to talk to you so bad right now”

before deleting them to start all over again

because the first one sounded just a little too desperate

and the second just a little too abrupt,

but still not sending the third draft

for fear I might take you seriously.

I want you to know what it must have felt like in the 90s

when you waited by the phone for hours

hoping it would ring,

practicing how to say hello

and make it sound nonchalant and cool and breathless

like you had to run all the way from across the house,

but still sound surprised

because no-you-weren’t-waiting-by-the-phone-why-am-I-calling?

I want that Pavlovian response

every time you see that green notification by my name

as you hover with indecision,

torn between clicking open the status bar

and deleting me from your friends

just so you aren’t racked with temptation

every time you see I’m online.

But I guess it’s worked the other way around,

unless you’re playing this game too

and maybe, just maybe, I should make your day.